So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
