you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
