SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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