He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
