I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
