I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
