genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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