I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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