When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
