JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
