CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
