Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
