The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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