I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
