Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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