So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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