32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Panties = found
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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