She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
