sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
