you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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