dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
