i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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