yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
