Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
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