I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
