I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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