I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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