definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
