dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize