the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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