just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Are we still banned from the library?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
