if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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