just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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