kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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