I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
