My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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