I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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