i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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