Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
