I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
