Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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