It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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