With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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