When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
