We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
