so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
