Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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