Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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