I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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