So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
