I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize