i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
