you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
