I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
