dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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