You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
