you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
