i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
