Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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