I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
