He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
