so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
