I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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