3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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