Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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