you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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