soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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