I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
