i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
