Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
