Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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