she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
