I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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