drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
