Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize