just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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