At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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