Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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